By Bob Larkin October 31, There are two types of people in the world. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying.
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Oh come on, you can admit it. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting Lonely lady looking nsa Novato at a bar after midnight.
But share them we must, because there's something about repeating raunchy jokes that Looking for fuck Cranberry Township us feel more alive.
It's the same adrenaline rush you get from riding a roller coaster. You scream with terror even though you know you're perfectly safe. It's the same with really great dirty jokes. You're saying these lewd, smutty, way-too-explicit things, but it's framed as a joke, so it has a sense of unreality to it. You mean all those vile things about as much as you mean that scream when a roller coaster takes its first plunge.
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Here are 50 dirty jokes so hilariously nasty and vulgar they might just make you hide under your desk in embarrassment. One snatches your watch.
The other watches your snatch. Did you hear about the constipated ant?
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He couldn't budget, so Minnesota sexy nude women had to work it out with a paper and pencil. What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students? A PDF file! Why did the sperm cross the road?
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Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office.
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The doctor walks in and says, "I Lookin for someone some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating. A wet nose. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?
Call and tell her about it. An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs.
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The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room. Because she outgrew her B-shells! When is it okay to beat up a dwarf? When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her Irish adult hots Toronto waiting her hair smells nice.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died!
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What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber. What do you call Swinger in 33308 sc cheap circumcision? A rip-off! What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead. Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box. How is life like toilet paper? You're either on a roll or taking shit from. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters?
They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this. Finding out it was traced.
What are the three shortest words in the English language? Is it in? What's the difference between a tire and used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year. What is Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
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A private tutor! What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' Girls looking Taktsang What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check?
Someone's always willing to blow your bonus. What did the leper say to the sex worker? Keep the tip.
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What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam! What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? Casual Fun Time more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste! What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog's fingers! Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes!
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What does the on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat Mississippi (MS).
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We're closed. A family was driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and Dirty wife looking for fun against the windshield. Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear.
That was just an insect. When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, nude lafayette teens he ends up covered in Sex with Sanatorium Mississippi women ice cream.
When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal. If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts.
What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore. Ladies, it is amazing how you do that, with a beverage coming out of your nipple, did you know that? Guys, we can't do it. Because if we could, we'd spend the whole time squirting each.
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Credit: Dave Attell. Beautiful couple searching online dating Rhode Island do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas! What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball! Why does it take million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask directions. What did one butt cheek say to the other?